Back to School

My 12 little friends next door were ready for their first day of school today. It was a privilege to go with Ydalia to drop them off. She is their main care giver and made every single one of those uniforms!! Look at them! School is a major privilege here so no one is complaining about going. 

And then Ava and I walk back in to the house and Lilly tells me she is almost finished with school. It's 9:15 and something tells me she's itching to skip over some things and call it a day. I remind her of her little syllabus and what's left. Whining starts. Tears on her eyes become visible right at the brink of pouring over. I have grown weary of the 'I don't want to's' and the 'please don't make Me's' and I pause. I need to regroup and gather my thoughts before words spew out and apology is needed. I try to give explanation and the fighting of whys and how manys happen. Homeschooling is so hard for us. There. I said it. It's so hard for us. I keep trying. Another math problem. Another period and capital letter. Still fighting to get on the same 'yes, ma'am' page where it's smooth and effortless between teacher and pupil. We can't seem to get there today. We're mama and baby girl and finding the shift is tough some days. I refill my coffee cup and she is in her room journaling. Later the struggles go farther and discipline a must. I hate getting to this point and still losing ground on school. I work out to get my frustration below my feet instead of toward a little person. But my joints ache so bad from my long run in the dried up riverbed last night. I ran a couple of hours in front of a truck on a road of rocks. Lilly was in Charles' lap "driving" and Miguelson and Ava rode along. It was my second two-hour run in the weekend and I could feel my joints knot up when I hit a rock just the wrong way but my legs stretched out felt good. As I walked into the Hope Center around 6:30pm, the rain came down in sheets. I couldn't help but think of the perfect timing. After dinner Miguelson, Charles and I stayed up talking about cars and budgets, girlfriends and teams. Grateful to call Miguelson friend and not just a co-worker. The girls soak him up while he is here like a wet sponge. He plays tea parties and sings their songs in the 48 hours he is here.

Just before noon today Ava walks in with a split-open watermelon from the garden, I guess. She wants to show Lilly but I say keep it in the kitchen. She goes to the room despite my instructions and I walk into watermelon juice dripping off the bedspreads. More work. Less school. A trail of juice on the just mopped floor from the front door to the bedroom. Her white shirt stained pink. It can't be this hard. I know I was a kid too though and there's grace and more grace. And a washing machine and a mop and I'm thankful for all of it.

I wrote notes this afternoon to fly back to the States with a team member. Lilly adds to the pile and we have a quick conversation of being far from people we love. I feel a knot in my throat as I think about my friend Sarah and wanting to be a million miles closer to her and missing mom's phone call this morning and a baby nephew in my sister's arms who I haven't met. The notes don't do justice but Lilly says she wants to make her best friend smile so she's addressing the envelope to Abby with hopes it will. It makes Lilly smile and the knot in my throat dissolves. Loneliness to gratitude. A somewhat forced shift. Again and again some days.

The late afternoon lightens my wanting to quit soul with ladies Bible study. I'm delighted to see two of my favorite faces instead of one - Alex and Vladimir are both here for Bible study when lately it's been a chore to ask one of them to help. I think maybe someone has asked them both to be here but then I just accept it as God's blessing. The women file in and we talk about our lives here. Universal women talk. We get into the Jesus lesson and why we pray. We talk about meditation on scripture and what's keeping us from growing closer to Him. I take a pen and paper for requests and the hands go up. One has rats biting at her toes since her house isn't enclosed and she's asking that the rats leave her alone. Another says there are snakes in her house with all the rain lately. One has six mouths to feed as a single parent and needs a job. Hard stuff. We bow our heads and I want to hold hands while we pray. I feel my loneliness of the day dissipate a little as I feel two hands slide into mine. I pause because I want the hand-in-hand silence just one second longer. Then Alex starts with a tune in Creole that says, "God can do all things, all things, all things for me." And a rush of reassurance in my doubts floods over my shoulders and I'm grateful for his initiation of the song. I pray out to God for these sisters and end with an amen.

I hear the rain hit our tin roof. I hug the girls tight tonight after a hard day of discipline and parenting. How do we do this whole parenting thing? I'm lost on if it works. Consistency in anything is hard. They push us right to the edge and I want to jump. Lilly and I giggle over something after her bath and I think God is good to bring giggles after tears. We read the story about Moses asking God if he can see Him. Lilly looks at me and says, "I want God to walk past me where I can see him." I think me too, baby, me too. It's been that kind of day where we could all use a glance of God to get us through.