Out Came An Abundance

Water is often not that big of a deal. But today it was. Charles has been talking with Blue Ridge well drillers for weeks and trying to get water up on the hill for our little community. They drilled more than 400ft last week at the top of the hill and the casing broke. It was disheartening to say the least. They offered to come back and drill again at no cost to BGM which was a huge blessing to us. Today they put all the casing in and at 180 ft they stepped back and we all stood there watching water splash out. It was the kind of gush like you would see come out of a fire hydrant but it came out of the ground. Maylon, the driller and Charles' new buddy, gave Charles two thumbs up and we watched the water pour out. He told Charles that it's one of the best ones they've drilled and the water should be abundant. Little boys splashed their faces with it and the community members standing there could not have grinned bigger. It was a big moment seeing that water come out. This means irrigation for crops, drinking water, bathing water, washing water. It's so much more than anyone in a first world lifestyle knows on a day to day basis (including us here). When warm tears flow down dark faces because the clear wet liquid comes out of the ground, that's life changing and hope. That's abundance ... the kind that is more than all we ask or imagine. And I saw hope on faces today that I haven't seen before. Talk about joy. That was a moment of joy for all of us. Thank you, God, for abundance.

Ouch!

A quick post today ... I ask that you will lift me up in prayer as I have a terrible toothache. My first one. And I'm thinking I made it 33 years without this much pain in my mouth. But yesterday this #13 decided to change that. Last night we dug through our entire stock of medicines and I ended up with a half pill of hydrocodene given the pain was almost unbearable and Charles knew at 2 a.m. that an ibuprofen was not going to get me back to sleep. I started amoxicilin today. It's Haiti, so it's not as easy as a quick trip to the dentist. I am trying to wade through the horror stories from Americans seeking dental work here to decide on the next step. The one dentist that came highly recommended is out until Oct. 8. I'm praying I can make it that long and that the pain dissipates completely. I had a long to do list today while the girls and Charles are at the airport picking up the grandparents but I've mostly been trying to fight off pain on the left side of my entire face. Thank you for your prayers. It's always something :)

Digging Deep

The staff retreat was about like Kaliko itself. Relaxing and breezy. We spent three days on the beach with the BGM staff including the new operations manager, Rusty Hall, and his wife, Michelle. It was a nice change of scenery. The time with staff outside the usual daily grind was refreshing. The girls and I played on the beach swing and did handstands in the pool. Ava sported her turtle float and hot pink sunglasses everywhere she went. Charles attended meetings with the staff while Lilly and I attempted homeschool a few feet from the waves. The buffet of salad, fish, fresh fruit and more was a delicious treat for all 26 of us. I had some good conversations with Pastor Mickenson about upcoming events at the church and caught up with Mathurin on his latest trip to the States. The time together was valuable and we were all grateful for the trip.

A meeting Wednesday night came as a surprise to me and at a late hour. I was already attempting to go to bed when we were called to meet. Another humbling moment. A recommendation of what could be done better. One word in my mind that stood out was discernment. It was about feelings and improvements and heartaches and struggles. It was too late. I had been sleeping to a teeth grinder and tummy acher 3 inches from my bed the two nights prior. I was tired. The meeting ended but the night just started. My blonde-haired, blue-eyed child begged to cuddle and complained about her ailing tummy. It was a long night of reflection and evaluation of my own heart.

I have been dialoging with Charles for the past month or so about my struggles to see the flaws in ministry, Christians, mission work, etc. and in no way excluding my own flaws. I have been really focused on the frustrations here. And it seems like I have been more fixed on how I can fix the struggles in homeschool, the hiccups with staff, and lots of things. In the last week I have really just identified that I am in a hard season of trusting God. He is showing me ways to trust him and I have been slowly surrendering. It's been somewhat painful just trying to fix things and then giving them to Him and repeating that sometimes several times a day or an hour. I've just been discouraged. Lilly and I have had some screaming matches over homeschool and Charles and I over quality time and it all kind of piles up. I have seen my negativity rear its ugly head more and more. It's the whole mindset that if we just had this or that, than I would be content. But I know better. I was just thinking through the night ... 3 main thoughts ....

1. I'm just in a  hard season of life ... a season of literally giving to my kids almost 24-7 without breaks. 

2. I'm also in a hard season of growth where God is teaching me to trust on a whole new level and it's hard to swallow that I am having to fight so hard for joy and contentment on a regular basis. 

3. I'm in a hard place. There are at any given time 25 people outside my front door who need something to make their mission trip what they hoped for and beyond the walls people who are literally starving and trying to survive one of the hardest's countries heartaches. 

I spent a lot of time this morning reading in James about discernment and wisdom. James 3:13 says Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in meekness of wisdom. It goes on to say in vs. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy or selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truths. I find that I'm seeing some of the good and the bad in my own heart. I long to be in community and do this child rearing with people. I long to talk about life on the field and how to process what I see/experience daily. It's just a lot. Encouragement is seldom and criticism often. I tell Lilly though that it's a choice. Joy is a choice and it's a million choices - that's what makes up our conduct. A lot of little choices determines our theme. Today I read Ann Voskamp that said do we really think anger is worth choosing over joy? Is it more efficient or make us closer to our goal? Than why are we choosing it? She also talks about service to people makes the bones weary and the frustration deep. She quotes Dorothy Sayers, "Whenever man is made the centre of things, he becomes the storm-centre of trouble. The moment you think of serving people, you begin to have a notion the other people owe you something for your pains... You will begin to bargain for reward, to angle for applause."

I find that I just need more shifts in attitude. More moving from the heat irritation (irritation from constantly dripping in sweat from the heat) to gratitude. The shower drips instead of comes down in a stream. Thank you for the drip. Another night of rice and beans. Thank you for this food on our plates. A phone call cut short from the power outage. Thank you for power. The fourth knock at the door that wakes Ava from a nap. Thank you for people helping with the chickens. Another spill. Thank you for a washing machine. A mess on the floor. Thank you Julienne for cleaning. And on and on and on. It's a perspective change. I think sometimes instead of seeing my two littles as treasures, I see them as obstacles to productivity or mess makers. After reading about joy and meekness in the scriptures, and turn to gratitude, I find that I see them as treasures. I see a sleepy-eyed overall skirt wearing blond walk in wanting to cuddle and despite my desire to finish my task at hand and then cradle her, I consciously put it down and hold her in my lap. Small changes but immediate joy. 

The other morning in the dark I turn on the red light for the treadmill and plug in the sermon. The baptism of the Holy Spirit by Jeff Evans and I start listening. It's a world away and yet a lot of truth coming in my ears. All sleep and I yearn to know more. How to make it work here. How to find the joy. His voice says that it's the anointing of the Holy Spirit in each life that makes the difference. I think about the convictions in my own life and how much I count on a super natural filling of the Holy Spirit. I'm not waiting on the songs in church to be sung in English or the community around me to ask how I'm really doing. I finish the sermon and hear Blow Might Breath of God ... and I pray God would fan the flame in my own life. 

God made us for this. We are in no way giving up on Haiti because God is trying to teach us lessons. I'm pressing in and digging deep. Reaching out and asking for prayer as I swim through the muddied waters of life here. I was asked how I plan to get through this season. I told him I'm going to keep thanking God and fighting for joy with every breath. God sees me and hears prayers and knows my heart. And he is doing mighty things in me. Please pray with me James 3:17 that says But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. 

I'm hoping you will pray with me and intercede for me, with all of us. Praying for some breakthrough in our own struggles and some insight on positive things going on here. Thank you for lifting us up. God is so good. 

On a positive note, I've been praying for a while for a lady named Joslin Horis who has been asking if we can help her with a new house. You can read more about it on a previous blog post but rats are literally eating away at her family. Stan told us someone called and offered to fund a house if we knew of anyone who needed one. Construction for her house starts Monday! We serve a knowing God. We went to visit her again yesterday. It seems like since we gave her a couple rounds of rat poison, they are dying off. She says she knows they are dead by the smell of them in the house (how awful). She was so happy to see us. The rain continues to come through the mud and sticks in her roof and drench her family with each rain. Joslin says she prays a lot the nights that it rains because they can't sleep well while they get so wet. We didn't tell her about the house yet because we don't want to promise before we see construction start. Alex asked where she would build if she received a new house and she had a plot of land she owns ready to go. Joslin went with us to her friend's house. Olicia has been asking for prayer in Bible study about all of the snakes in her house. We showed up at her house and were immediately welcomed by her warm smile. She tells her friend in Creole that we didn't tell her we were coming and she doesn't have nice clothes on. She grins a little embarrassed. We meet her 6 children and her belly is round with the seventh. She plans to deliver another one at home in December. Her house is right on the outskirts of the village and a wooded field is just beyond it. Charles sees a pile of rocks too. He says maybe the snakes are all coming from that direction. Who knows? Olicia shows us the inside of the mud and sticks house and just where the snakes are slithering in. Two children have already been bitten. It's awful to think about snakes in the house. The two room hut has barely enough floor space for the little bodies that are at risk. Olicia says she has killed at least six 7-8 ft. poisonous snakes in the house in the last month. The rain doesn't help. Just then we see the dark clouds hover over and hear the thunder clap. We bow, Olicia kneels and we pray for the house and God's protection over them. I get her full name to submit it to those in charge of assigning house construction to the teams. I quietly pray she'll move to the top. Ava swaps smiles with the other little Haitian girl her age. Patty cake is universal. But the sprinkles start and we know rain is coming. Joslin stays to visit with her friend. Alex, Charles, Ava and I head back to the truck. Just as we pull out of the village, a bright rainbow lines the sky. It was almost fluorescent. I snapped a few pictures. Charles says let's wait and get closer but I can't wait. I snap a few more. Then the rain starts. I knew I couldn't wait. It's pouring down rain in sheets. I think again about these houses, and the rats, the snakes, the wet children and the ones in danger of bites. On the way back to Hope Center I think about God's promises and that rainbow and the faithfulness that goes with it.

I saw this again yesterday and was reminded how much I like it.....

"Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude." 

-- A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Pesos and Pastries

Yesterday started out with a trip to Thoman cut short by a smoking bus and an extended wait at the roadside mechanic. We made the best of it by sitting around talking to the team about life, dreams and Haitian ice cream. We made a quick change of plans and per Mickie's suggestion our Plan B was to hike the mountain I ran up a few weeks ago with Charles, Ava and Miguelson behind me in the truck. If you missed that post, see the Mountain Run post since it was a highlight of the many adventures in Haiti. Lilly and I both planned to take the day off of home school and hike while Charles and Ava held down the fort.

We started out on the hike about 11am with a group of about 12 of us with packs on our backs. I asked Lilly if she had sunscreen on and she quickly replied that she did. I asked the group as well as some team members compare US sun to Haiti sun and downplay the heat. I mentioned it was going to be somewhat intense but in no way was discouraging the group from going. Lilly started running up the path and we all said to ourselves that slow and steady was going to be a better strategy for our day's hike.

It was a two-hour incline of switchbacks and sunshine. By the time we were passed by the donkeys and arrived near the top, our water bottles were empty and our shoulders red. Haitians of all ages were hiking along with us except with every day clothes on and heavy items on top of their heads like straw mats or pots of water. I cannot imagine walking up that mountain on a regular basis in my skirt and flip flops with a bucket of water on my head. I think I'd rather live a thirsty life in a house of sticks at the bottom. We sat down up near the last switchback and opened our brown bag lunches on a ridge overlooking the mountains. It was beautiful and worth the weary calf muscles. The team members were great sports. And Lilly was a little champion. She started with the Casino cookies first and then dug in the backpack for more snacks. Giving up on a PB & J and the apple. Alex worked the crowd in his dress shoes and rolled up jeans with his shades and American flag bandana tied tight. He was under an avocado tree leading the mountain people in How Great Thou Art. He also bought a little girl's entire case of crackers and then passed them all out to the people we passed. We took a team picture and then started the descent.

We made it down in less time with our mouths salivating for a little water or a little more Coca-Cola. Lilly's shoulders looked red and although we had reapplied sunscreen a few times I realized she and I got a little too much Haitian sun. We got back to Hope Center on foot right about 4pm. It was a good 4-5 hours up in the mountains on our feet but what a great experience. I did ask Charles when we got back if he had sprayed sunscreen on Lilly and he answered no. He had sprayed bug spray. So she was a little mixed up and had a sunburn to show for it.

Our friends Luke and Julie Brauer, their three kids, Micah, Chloe and Jude as well as their co-workers and our friends Jeff and Becky Peters all showed up as planned for the night. Lilly and Chloe took turns doing each other's hair and the boys were playing with Mack. We were so glad to see our new friends! We spent the evening catching up over oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and starbucks coffee! It was great to visit and have friends in our home.

This morning started at 3:18 for Ava who couldn't sleep and at 5:30 when Luke took the Peters to the airport for their flight to the States. The rest of us loaded up in the truck headed for the Dominican Republic about 9a.m. Julie, Micah, Charles and me all sat in the back of the truck getting a head full of dust and feeling each rock we went over. Conversation was challenging with the uneven terrain and noise on the roads. The borders were less eventful this time. It seemed a little too easy. Volcy, the Brauer's right hand man, had a contact who made the crossing go smoothly. Only the strangest thing is that this time we did not stamp out of Haiti or back in. We just have the stamps in and out of the DR. I'm hoping that didn't defeat the purpose of the trip. Our crew got across and we stopped at Hotel Jimani where we ate lunch last time and wanted to swim except that this time the restaurant was not open and the pool was empty. We switched venues and landed at a little Hotel Taini Frontera where we enjoy goat, shrimp, pork, chicken and of course, rice and beans. We finished the meal off with a  little cafesito. The kids were entertained and the adults were satisfied with a slow Dominican lunch. We stopped at a panederia on our way out and used the rest of our pesos for pastries. The kids were loaded with sugar and then back in the truck. It was a good trip in this time. No scandals or drama. The ride back was much the same way. We were told Thursdays are market days so we had to get back by a certain time to get across the border. We made it back to Hope Center around 5:30 this afternoon with a stamp out and back in and full tummies.

Eaten by Rats

Yesterday I made mention that a sister at Bible study said rats were in her house. Everyone in the circle laughed and made light of her request. Haitians are harsh in that way. They seem to handle heartaches that way - everything from losing a loved one to tripping over a rock. Nonetheless, Alex and I made a plan to go see this dear one's house with her to find out if we could help with the problem. A small side note, I've been praying that we could have a team build her a house or provide her with housing. I've been telling her that I've been praying this for months and she seems to think I'm all talk and no follow through. I know God hears my prayers though.

All to say, today she met us as planned and we rode in the truck to her house. Tony, Mickie and the team rode along as well after a heart breaking visit with Gislene. We arrive at the mud/stick hut where this dear lady removes the shoes of her three children to show us where rats have literally been eating at all of them. The rats have eaten through their shoes, their fingernails, socks, and bed sheets. This one little room mud hut has holes all in it where rats are visibly scrambling in and out through the night. The children are humble and well mannered. It broke my heart to see such a thing. Literally an entire family being eaten by rats. The mother begged us to help keep the rats out. We spread rat poisoning in the holes and tried to fix the drippy roof made from tarp to keep the water out as much as the rats. As we left, the rain started for the third night in a row. I can't sleep just thinking about rats eating this entire family. What a disturbing and real problem. Please lift them up in prayer with us.

Back to School

My 12 little friends next door were ready for their first day of school today. It was a privilege to go with Ydalia to drop them off. She is their main care giver and made every single one of those uniforms!! Look at them! School is a major privilege here so no one is complaining about going. 

And then Ava and I walk back in to the house and Lilly tells me she is almost finished with school. It's 9:15 and something tells me she's itching to skip over some things and call it a day. I remind her of her little syllabus and what's left. Whining starts. Tears on her eyes become visible right at the brink of pouring over. I have grown weary of the 'I don't want to's' and the 'please don't make Me's' and I pause. I need to regroup and gather my thoughts before words spew out and apology is needed. I try to give explanation and the fighting of whys and how manys happen. Homeschooling is so hard for us. There. I said it. It's so hard for us. I keep trying. Another math problem. Another period and capital letter. Still fighting to get on the same 'yes, ma'am' page where it's smooth and effortless between teacher and pupil. We can't seem to get there today. We're mama and baby girl and finding the shift is tough some days. I refill my coffee cup and she is in her room journaling. Later the struggles go farther and discipline a must. I hate getting to this point and still losing ground on school. I work out to get my frustration below my feet instead of toward a little person. But my joints ache so bad from my long run in the dried up riverbed last night. I ran a couple of hours in front of a truck on a road of rocks. Lilly was in Charles' lap "driving" and Miguelson and Ava rode along. It was my second two-hour run in the weekend and I could feel my joints knot up when I hit a rock just the wrong way but my legs stretched out felt good. As I walked into the Hope Center around 6:30pm, the rain came down in sheets. I couldn't help but think of the perfect timing. After dinner Miguelson, Charles and I stayed up talking about cars and budgets, girlfriends and teams. Grateful to call Miguelson friend and not just a co-worker. The girls soak him up while he is here like a wet sponge. He plays tea parties and sings their songs in the 48 hours he is here.

Just before noon today Ava walks in with a split-open watermelon from the garden, I guess. She wants to show Lilly but I say keep it in the kitchen. She goes to the room despite my instructions and I walk into watermelon juice dripping off the bedspreads. More work. Less school. A trail of juice on the just mopped floor from the front door to the bedroom. Her white shirt stained pink. It can't be this hard. I know I was a kid too though and there's grace and more grace. And a washing machine and a mop and I'm thankful for all of it.

I wrote notes this afternoon to fly back to the States with a team member. Lilly adds to the pile and we have a quick conversation of being far from people we love. I feel a knot in my throat as I think about my friend Sarah and wanting to be a million miles closer to her and missing mom's phone call this morning and a baby nephew in my sister's arms who I haven't met. The notes don't do justice but Lilly says she wants to make her best friend smile so she's addressing the envelope to Abby with hopes it will. It makes Lilly smile and the knot in my throat dissolves. Loneliness to gratitude. A somewhat forced shift. Again and again some days.

The late afternoon lightens my wanting to quit soul with ladies Bible study. I'm delighted to see two of my favorite faces instead of one - Alex and Vladimir are both here for Bible study when lately it's been a chore to ask one of them to help. I think maybe someone has asked them both to be here but then I just accept it as God's blessing. The women file in and we talk about our lives here. Universal women talk. We get into the Jesus lesson and why we pray. We talk about meditation on scripture and what's keeping us from growing closer to Him. I take a pen and paper for requests and the hands go up. One has rats biting at her toes since her house isn't enclosed and she's asking that the rats leave her alone. Another says there are snakes in her house with all the rain lately. One has six mouths to feed as a single parent and needs a job. Hard stuff. We bow our heads and I want to hold hands while we pray. I feel my loneliness of the day dissipate a little as I feel two hands slide into mine. I pause because I want the hand-in-hand silence just one second longer. Then Alex starts with a tune in Creole that says, "God can do all things, all things, all things for me." And a rush of reassurance in my doubts floods over my shoulders and I'm grateful for his initiation of the song. I pray out to God for these sisters and end with an amen.

I hear the rain hit our tin roof. I hug the girls tight tonight after a hard day of discipline and parenting. How do we do this whole parenting thing? I'm lost on if it works. Consistency in anything is hard. They push us right to the edge and I want to jump. Lilly and I giggle over something after her bath and I think God is good to bring giggles after tears. We read the story about Moses asking God if he can see Him. Lilly looks at me and says, "I want God to walk past me where I can see him." I think me too, baby, me too. It's been that kind of day where we could all use a glance of God to get us through.

Faces of Thoman

The second Hope Center is going up in a small village up the mountain from where we are in the little community of Thoman. This week we had the opportunity to serve the community of Thoman through medical care, VBS and evangelism. It's always a little cooler there and refreshing to see new faces. Here was our visit in pictures. 

 Marc, one of our full-time staff members

 Vladimir and Alex helping out 

The youngest pharmacist of the group

 Franz is exceptional with children and is bilingual. He is part time with us and studying in Port Au Prince to be a professor.

 Alex whistling a tune to Ava. Best buds.

 Dr. Shubert, a local MD, is now on staff full-time with BGM.

 Ava passed out on the cool tile floor ... very Haitian of her