His Meek Mama ...

I could tell as we turned down the dirt road he was feeling slightly anxious. Wheels were turning in his head. I looked both ways beyond the carseats on both sides of me and saw shirtless men in the fields and women with buckets of water on their heads. He turned in slowly and I saw more heads turning. I could read their lips saying "blans" despite the windows rolled all the way up. Both girls were waking up from their sweaty slumber. The farmer turns and says, "How are you feeling being back?" His soft smile appears on his face and he hesitates to say but it's a mix of good and hard. Two feelings we've been mixing for more than a year now. We pull up and he stops the car. "We're going to have to walk a little bit back to her house." A young man greets us and naturally takes the bags of groceries from my hand and leads us down a little dirt path. Naked children scurry with wonder as we make our way through the little village. I smile at them and squat down to say good afternoon. Ava clings closely and Lilly asks why everyone is staring. I look up and I can see Coach's face all over hers. His mom gently bends to exchange a gentle hug and kiss on the cheek. She busies herself getting chairs for us. Then he introduces us. His grandmother and godmother walk out and they all make their best efforts to welcome us. His mother, Madam Luke, is so much like him with her facial expressions but her skin wrinkles by her eyes and her thin frame is weathered. The years of the sun's intensity has left her outside shell worn but her face so mild. She's hospitable without saying a word. He's told us she was soft spoken and meek in nature. I step over to those at the fence who stare like they are looking into the ring of a rodeo. I ask their names and their ages. I introduce myself and share a smile. Their eyes are full of wonder and their mouths were speechless. We visited for a little while and prayed for his sick uncle. The Farmer laid hands on him and prayed with compassion. Ava climbed up in Mickenson's lap and sat quietly in her own wonder. She fell almost limp and nearly went back to sleep. Charles snapped a few pictures and otherwise tried to tune in with his limited Creole. The conversation had gone from little to none and Coach stood up and said it's time to go. We leaned over for one more tender embrace of her fragile frame and walked back through the crowd to the car. Coach handed his sweet mama a serving of food in the typical Haitian lunchbox and buckled my sweet, sleepy Ava back in. The sun was hot and the air in the car was stifled. He was quick to start apologizing or thanking and Farmer cut him off and said not to start that. Head up. We felt at home after all of our days in Ayore villages of Bolivia. It was comfortable and complete and a window to a friend's life we would have never known. And we walked away grateful.

Coach! 

Birthday party for Montrose (6) and Gilot (4)! They were so excited for baby dolls and dinosaurs! Thank you again Harris Creek Joiner Life Group! It was complete with strawberry and chocolate cakes!

Lilly Cruz and Wideline

Me and Ydalia, a friend and the main caretaker after the birthday party

Coach and Chi Chi ... the best of friends

Lilly doing Jasmine's hair

A man and his dog

The girls doing Insanity with me!

Rain! Today was the very first day in 14 months that we woke up to rain! It was so exciting and calming and yet streets disappeared under the flooding. 

Chi Chi and her Alex

The visit to his childhood village was preceded by a couple of fun days that got us to Gonaives in the first place. Too much fun for photos. Our original trip was planned for Thursday morning to pick up Jasmine from her sister's house in Gonaives (about 3.5 hours away). We were just hoping to catch a ride with Mickenson and see friends close by. Turns out Jasmine got home early but Mickenson was still willing to make the trip. The fun started Wednesday night with some Michael Jackson and pizza, a rarity here at Hope Center. We finished a long, heavy meeting while Coach was audited at his job in town. Both wearing and equally in need of some Ghiradelli brownies and dance music. Leyna and Kelly joined in the fun and by dark we were in much higher spirits. Kelly did some moon walkin' to Beat It and Mickenson got some laughs in between chocolate bites. It was good to laugh. My abs hurt by the end of it all. The night turned late and one by one we all went to bed. The rain brought on some good sleep and by sunrise we were ready to go. Except for one flat tire. Farmer and Coach Mick were out in their shirts under the car hoping to change it without their tools that went missing just one day prior. Nothing new in Haiti. 'Can I borrow' is more like 'Can I have?' All the same an hour later, we piled in, said goodbye to Leyna and Kelly and hit the road. We made one bathroom stop horrendous enough to call a dungeon and bribe the girls with whatever they would like not to touch anything. Their attempts at legs touching the wall in the dark and trying to force themselves to relax enough to go in extenuating circumstances led to a little dehydration the rest of the trip. However, we arrived in time for lunch at a little dive, Coin D'or, with a hamburger sporting an entire onion and a glass of tamarind juice. Shortly after we were at the doorstep of our friends. Arrivals in Haiti are enough to celebrate. All of us were welcomed by the two couples who we have missed for the recent months and the three kiddos who served as excellent hosts for our littles. We made it just in time to change into swimsuits and dip into their gigantic pool. Good times all around. Laid back conversation and splashing in the pool. We visited one of the orphanages in the neighborhood and I experienced being in our team's shoes for once being with Haitian kids I didn't know. We flew kites, watched some pick up soccer, looked around and talked to the kids. The evening was just getting started at sunset as we got children to bed and sat in rockers on the rooftop. We swapped stories and struggles. Farmer talked more than normal and from a deep down place. I saw the big dipper while he spouted off on our Haiti life. Mickenson encouraged me to sit back down by Farmer and be supportive but soon enough the conversation lightened, laughter overflowed and drowned out the ra ra that was in the distance. Fun is an understatement. I haven't seen Coach fall out of his chair with tears of laughter before and I wish I could replay it more clearly in my head. Before the night was over there was an empty bowl of real salsa and Coach singing to the guitar. I told him that he could sing but they didn't believe me until they heard him for themselves. As you can tell, I'm still reliving it. I think we all are a little bit.

Life has to go forward though. This weekend we talked real life and real lessons. I taught the sweet women today. I go with Bible in hand to teach them but they really teach me. Today we start in on Joshua and on more than one occasion I have to answer with I don't know. I say to them I wish I knew. Why did Rahab get away with lying when Ananias didn't? Why does one of the commandments say Do not murder and yet God called Joshua to burn the entire city (including people) of Jericho? I have also struggled a lot with loving deeply, lately. It's hard to love and invest and not know the return or the timeline. Is it worth it? Will my heart break at some point? Sometimes it feel like it may break wide open and all that love drain out or slowly spring a leak like a whistling tire with a pin hole. I heard a song today that said 'try to stop your love and you'll wage war." C.S. Lewis says,

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

God is teaching me a lot lately. Farmer and I had a long conversation with Coach and Jasmine and I think afterwards we realize how deep God has allowed our friendship to go in such a short amount of time. As we sat on the couch agreeing to be godparents of their expected baby boy, we realized what a diamond in the rough they are. I can't describe it. Love is unexpected and vulnerable. There is no stopping it. God says we are better off in the dark with him, not understanding than in the light without him. We can't ignore what he teaches us even in the dark moments. God has been repeating themes in my quiet moments lately. Lately there has been one blow after another and a humbling that only comes when there is fire below. So little is in my control. But God draws us to himself when we are at the end of ourselves. I shared a few of these little lessons I'm learning with the girls and then with the ladies in Bible study. The three things lately God has been teaching me is:

1. Loving people well. Not loving people the way I would want to receive love but asking God to show me how to love people the way they want to receive love. How to see people's needs. I want to offer a meal to someone hungry or watch a weary mother's children or write a word of encouragement to the burdened. I want to see their need. And then I don't want to think about it or intend to take a meal or pick up the phone to leave a message. I want to walk up the hill and make a visit. I want to stop and lay hands on the sick and pray. I want to feed the hungry widow a home cooked meal, not just give a peanut butter and jelly. I want to do more. Love better. Love really well.

2. Be humble. I keep teaching the ladies on Mondays about leadership without using that word or putting God in a box. I tell them how Noah was ridiculed for building a boat and Moses interceded for the grumblers. They didn't declare themselves humble leaders. They lived in the meek moments of patience without anger and mildness. Tender, gentle, calling attention away from self place. Lilly Cruz asks me for a definition of humble and I tell her to give me time to point out examples. It seemed harder than expected to define from the dictionary. It's Jesus. It's living lowly.

3. Doing the next RIGHT thing. The girls nearly roll their eyes when I start this little phrase because they know it too well. We all make mistakes. None but Jesus can always do them right the first time but we can do the next right thing after the current wrong thing. I learned this from Toni Mercado and it stuck. I can picture her saying it. The ladies in Bible study looked surprised when I told them I have to apologize daily, often hourly. But that's the humble place. The immediate step following the apology is the next right thing. God continues to teach me these steps and how vital the next right thing really is to rectify the sea of mistakes I make daily.